March 6, 2011

Unworthy prayers by night,

Keep me empty daily.

Try 'n fail a million times

Though I could try 'n fight it,

Life's always givin' up on me, it seems...

Why I fail is oh so clear to all but my selfish soul,

With Contentment no where near,

Until my life is being flashed before my eyes.

Is this mine?

Am I still alive?

Living on this fine line.

The sunrise will arrive,

To bring bitter truth

But my faith and strength

Will always strive

Defining me

In my own light.

We both may never live to see...

Can't you see...

Cant you see??????

The amount of time

I lose my mind

Cannot define me

But my life,

This life...

Is destroying me...

My reality,

My innocence,

Ripped away in an instant.

Hopes and dreams fathomed

By bitter fate

My selfish heart got the best of me.

You made a fool of me.

A life of gold turned into the unimaginable.

UNFATHOMABLE.

Kills me to feel your pain.

Your beautiful soul is growing cold...

It's Undeserved,

But as real as it gets.

I feel your sorrow,

And am starting to understand your ways,

All the hate, and anger,

So easily covered up by all the things I don't even care to name.

No matter where we go from here,

My resentment will remain,

But my pride will stand unchanged.

March 5, 2011

Yesterday the day came

Like many before. I let go willingly,

Our hearts in different places

I know I could never love you

So take this bitter truth,

Do with is what you want

Believe it or not,

I could never love you.

And this couldn't be more obvious

To everyone but you.

I'm young and havin' fun

Though I know my past can't be redone

Looking back will always make me run

It's too late now

The love is gone,

Been gone,

But you held on.

So point your fingers

Cus I'm to blame

You can call it a game

But you're so far in my past

I'm not even gonna slow down

To take the time to laugh,

Jokes on you.

Feb. 28, 2011

I try to move forward from countless losses

But too many forces are holding me back.

If you would only let me go then we could both fly...

Regretfully my life through my own eyes wouldn't be the one i'd choose to live,

Though it is.

Nineteen years in this town could make anyone feel like a kid,

Wouldn't do anyone justice.

Day after day

My conscience screams the same thing

While my concrete ways always take me away,

Take me away.

Don't know how many times I've lied to myself,

To cover up pain

And the minute I'm feelin' just a little bit stronger,

Somethin' hits, it knocks me down.

I keep fighting harder,

Against myself and the world.

This life I've dreamed of, sure isn't this.

But I'll smile and never miss a beat

Cus I know this is temporary...

For now, take me away...

Take me away.

Afraid of life, and love,

Failure, hate and drugs.

My life can't be undone. Or redone.

I've made my bed,

Now I must live through it

Searching for confidence and clarity,

One day at a time

Til' I find... til I find...?

Myself,

My heatlth,

My good judgement,

Along with wealth,

A better time, where I better myself.

Each day I try, but come up short

It's just not enough.

I know you see it too,

Just take one look into these

Daydreamed eyes,

I'm lost IN MY MIND,

All day, all the time...

Most days I can't even rhyme.

I set myself up to fail,

With no expectations,

How can you be disappointed?

Blahhhh unfinished...

Modestep - Feel Good (Official Video)::: AMAZING

Kano - Spaceship (Trolley Snatcha Remix)

Sweatshop Union - Ascend

Dave Matthews - Sister - Music Video

Hatersss.

"And the OG told me all haters expose they self, so it's best to leave it alone

Pop the cork, put the tree in the bone

Been here for a minute you niggas just catchin' on

Master of the craft, I've grown

Haters trail the path, I've flown

It's obvious, suckas talk down but we aint trippin'

Hoes fuck with us, say we different." -wiz

PEOPLE ARE ALWAYS GONNA TALK.

"UnfinishedDocument"

I'm in a stage I can't explain

I've tried and failed a million times

This life can't be defined by lines

I write to kill the wasted time

And to remind myself of the life I try to drown

Day in and day out.

So why is it I choose to continue down this path

Don't ask.

You could but it wouldn't make a difference

Try to listen

But my excuses are just useless

I'm drained and damaged

Lost but ravished.

But by all the wrong things...

Can you see the life I lead?

This is not who I want to be.

I need to adjust and grow up fast

I can't live this way

And have got to learn from the past.

I need to grow

And show

To all of those who see a rebel soul,

A cop out kid

Who doesn't give a damn,

That's not me, I reprehend...

"February Flowers" Feb. 2010

The colors fade

You're out of reach

The petals sag

Another lesson you teach

Nothing last forever

It seems to be inevitable

Too many believers

In lies, and fables

The truth is in the answers

That lie in between

This couldn't be more clear

To people like you and me,

The ones here waiting til our souls can run free.

I'll run,

I wont look back,

You wont find me where I once belonged,

I'll be singing songs to a instinctive melody,

Like the one you've always dreamed.

Me and you,

Living in serenity.

3-6-10

She'll run from anything

She always had

Afraid to be let down

Unable to trust

You could call it what you want

Wouldn't matter either way

Because she waits for the day

That makes it all okay

To look back on lost love

And smile

And be thankful

Forever grateful

For the trials

That resulted

In ways being constructed

And expectations exalted

To the memories fading

No more feels to be exhausted

There's hope for us all

With patience

Such a virtue

Hard to come by

So look closely

To the little things that only matter to people like me

You use to say

I use to laugh

Cus you just couldn't see

That a little effort can go a long way

This life is short

I've seen dreams die

People fail

And lots of lies

The truth is in the answers to the unasked questions

Pushing us further apart

Will this stop before it starts?

"Salvation" May 2010

It's been awhile

Since I've tried to sit back and redial, reminisce,

Capture the thoughts in my head,

Really comprehend just where I stand.

My life is journey as uncertain as what lies on the horizon that surrounds us.

I try and escape my mind,

Erase the second life for so long I've been living.

But it's that haze of separation from reality,

That blocks out losses casually.

Try to numb the pain, just feel it spread.

It's like a never-ending thought,

Like the one that plays so frequently through my head.

Fighting a battle but questioning if it's even my own.

But when can you ever be sure a battle's not worth fighting for?

So many times,

When it's already too late

You've realized you've become a person

You've truly began to hate.

Filling voids to avoid thoughts,

Chasing fantasies, to avoid reality.

This life is deemed so simple,

When you're only thinking selfishly.

Too many times we learn the hard way,

Haven't you seen?

Lost lives or souls, is what it takes for salvation to be deemed.

It's hard to believe it's come to this,

Or that my innocence I'd begin to miss,

When it left?

No one could say,

But God my Savior,

Is still leading my way.

A relationship that I never should have let slip aside,

Will always be my one true guide.

A life I've chose to better my own,

No longer living for myself,

I kneel at Your Throne.

5-30-10 "Udo"

I've got everything to lose

Even more to gain

Though I keep searching for reverence

Anything to cover up pain

Bring to the surface

Saturated rain.

Baby I could stick around

But it's only a matter of time

Til' my feelings and actions are no longer mine

I'll be stuck in a daze

Searching for my mind.

This life is so defined.

I know you see it too.

But those hazel eyes have seen it all

It's like they've become immune.

Have you stopped to care?

Save your body?

While you still have your soul...

All I wanted was to tell you it is beautiful, ya know?

There's just do much to say,

And not enough time.

That's why it's easy to relate to a rhyme.

Come with me, 

This home is temporary,

We could easily be free.

All you need is to believe,

Can't you see?

I can't tell you how to get there,

You must want it on your own.

An everlasting journey,

One you'll never make alone.

Walk with me,

I'll struggle, too,

You know we all do.

And if we go our separate ways,

Your faith is what will always remain,

A constant in your life,

That can't be explained.

I could try but I would fail,

Because I'm new to this myself,

I just know it's the one higher power

To Whom it's okay to lose yourself.

We've lost ourselves in so much less,

Drowning out emotions

Can leave you easily depressed.

There's beauty in the breakdown

It's taken me so long to see

That happiness is a journey

Long and winding

Growing and thriving,

If you put in the effort

It can be so rewarding.

I'm ready to cut ties,

Quit telling myself lies,

Erase second lives...

There's only one life to live,

We best starting living it right!

3-22-2010

I lay awake at night and try to drift to sleep,

I might

Or maybe just fall in a trance of deep dreams,

And thoughts that seem to run hand in hand with reality.

Should I take this all casually?

Like a passerby.

Grasping first impressions,

Not contemplating their intentions

Until they look to meet your eyes,

In them is where you see the distant light of hope.

The one we're all searching to find.

I see the light so easily, in the eyes of friends and strangers alike

Out of my control, no one can hold me down or stop me now.

I wish I knew how.

We could turn this all around

And make it right

We could. If we tried.

But the realest inside me has over ruled,

She can't be fooled,

She feels the truth,

It aches inside,

The kind that can't be denied.

But on the outside this bitter face is only skin deep,

Just thick enough to hide the tears I rarely weep,

Knowing that I'm stronger than to feel this weak,

They wipe away

But the tears on my sleeve make me think...

How's it gonna be?

Is this gonna get easier?

When I wake up in the morning

And your face pops in my head,

I'm wide awake, but I just want to go back to bed,

Instead I wait for my alarm to slip into a routine,

My mind continues racing, yet I seem so serene.

When will my days ever go by fast again?

I wonder why I'm left with much to ponder.

As you continue to drift away further

I let my eyes roll back

Slipping into a restless slumber

Waiting to be free,

Even if only in my dreams.