ConfUSEd

I'm caught up and confused,

Feelin' a little used.

I've seen this all before

It's hard to ignore

But I know what I should do

So why can't I give up on you?

I look hard to try to find a way

But it always seems to my dismay

You never show how you feel each day.

Lately it's like shades of grey,

In between.

So much of our lives go unseen.

Choosing not to discuss

Sorry but that's just not going to be enough.

Trust is hard to come by,

I have problems with it, too. I can't lie.

It this is ever going to work we can't doubt.

And we have to determinate with this is all about.

I'm a lady,

I'm a queen,

Nothin' in between.

I hope you realize what I mean.

Lately the way you've been tryin' to act is wack

I need you to show me how bad you want me back.

Take me.

Leave me.

Please just don't lead me

Down this rocky road I see all the time

It's unpleasant and some how, someone always crosses the line.

I hate to drag things out too long

We both would be better off moving along

What I wish is that you'd show me the way.

Love me like you did that very first day.

Take me back to how you made me feel,

Those countless days,

Yeah, they felt so real.

Why can't I give up on you?

What can't you tell me what to do?

Without you I'm so confused.

See it's you who I could really use.

Untitled poetry by Rene Daumal

I am dead because I lack desire,

I lack desire because I think I possess.

I think I possess because I do no try to give.

In trying to give, you see that you have nothing;

Seeing that you have nothing, you try to give of yourself;

Trying to give of yourself, you see that you are nothing;

Seeing that you are nothing, you desire to become;

In desiring to become, you begin to live.

"Still You"

Months have passed us by

In different lives,

A different time,

Where your love is no longer mine.

But was it ever?

Who's to say for sure

Though I look back and can clearly remember.

It was almost June

I loved your eyes

You made me laugh,

We couldn't devise

A love so true

It seemed to be

So simply believed

Of course by me.

I was blind to see

The reality.

So young,

Too young,

It came undone.

Living a life far from responsible.

Or acceptable.

I lost you.

I lost me.

Wish it never had to come to that.

And that we could go back

To those careless nights

But I know we can't.

Hundreds of miles feel like so much more,

When our hearts no longer beat in sync,

And just add more pain to be endured.

I don't know how you are these days,

Or who, where or why

But the amount of time you're on my mind, is so defined.

First thing every morning,

And the last thing every night,

But mostly in my dreams it seems.

Because I know of the reality.

I've let you go,

I'm moving on,

I'm happy and I know

My journey so far is a part of the test,

I know I'm yet to have the best.

I'll just have to wait for this heartache to rest,

So that I can progress,

Get past this.

Why is it still you I miss?

C-Money

Here we are once again,

My love,

My friend.

Somewhere in between,

I know you see.

We're getting closer to something.

I'm trusting.

Or trying.

To get past this.

To better timing.

You've got it all laid out for me.

Patiently waiting.

Though we might struggle

I'm fighting.

Two steps forward.

One step back.

I know it's not easy,

But you can't force somethin' like that.

Who you are to me

You'll never know.

The past is all we have to show.

Pushing towards the future now,

Waiting to be found.

Both waiting for it to come around.

"Somewhere In between"

I'm stuck in this destructive state of mind,

Knowing what I want, I could find

But seeing my dreams

Far from this reality.

No motivation

Or reason for this doubt,

There's too much stress then my body will allow.

I need to take some time to align

My heart and soul together as one

Trying to see where the separation begun.

I need hope and direction

I'm not striving for perfection.

Just put me somewhere in between

My dreams and reality

With help I'll find my way from there.

Swerving off the path, you'd think i'd never dare.

But this necessary change i seek

Will allow prosperity to peak.

I'll get there some how,

Just wish it could be now.

10 reasons why the chairlift is better than a boyfriend

1.) You pay once and get to ride all day

2.) If one dumps you, another comes along in 5 seconds

3.) You hit the slopes as soon as you get off

4.) You can smoke during the ride

5.) The chairlift does all the work

6.) There are always at least 3 to choose from

7.) They always pick you up

8.) The chair provides its own safety

9.) You can ride alone or in groups

10.) If you don't get off, it always come back around

"Undercover Lover"

Who would ever think it's be this hard

To get over a love that wasn't there?

Just another undercover lover,

I know you've got experience with this yourself...

We've all played a part in this game together.

Searching for the perfect one,

An imagine in your mind, matching the one in your heart.

Once found, that's when the pain will be done. Overcome.

But it seems to be this goal we see,

Is always short of reality.

A man lacking qualities can soon be disguised,

Almost as fast as he can make up an alibi.

We know the truth,

Be continue to be used.

Guy after guy,

Keeps wasting my time.

I don't like lies,

Loose ties,

Or disguise.

So if you're lookin' for a mystery,

You're soon to be history.

My story is anything but short.

I've got lots of experience with your sort.

It's starting to get old,

As I watch another failing relationship unfold.

Yup, this is the story of an undercover lover,

There's sure to be another.

Why bother?

"Under Construction"

I'm driving down this new road,

In search of something I've yet to know.

It's getting better everyday,

It's so easy when there's no one but me leading the way.

This path I'm traveling down is under construction.

Forks in the road, speed bumps, even dead ends,

But they wont lead me to destruction.

The life I lead is better now,

Like I knew it would be,

But I'm still empty.

Waiting for the one who gets me.

Fill me up with love, no regret.

I'm not one of those girls who have become degenerate.

I'm standing on these expectations held high.

So you better believe it when you're looking up, past me, to the sky.

The sky's the limit,

I'm on my way,

I'm fortunate enough to have found a place where I want to stay.

My partner in crime is by my side,

Now it's us against the world,

On this roller coaster ride.

Missing our "family",

But they're close at heart,

Because this true friendship we've shared,

Is only the start.

postsecret.com every Sunday :)

"Uncertainty"

Another time,

Another town,

Maybe we could turn this around.

It's not the same,

You're not to blame.

I wish it was,

This could be love.

You've got what I want,

You've got what i need,

Other than the fact,

You're always in the lead.

One step ahead,

On top of your game.

I wish I thought differently,

But the truth is what remains.

What I feel is unfamiliar,

So that's why I'm a bit peculiar.

Questioning not just you,

But me.

I know this isn't how it should be.

I don't know how to tell you this.

I do know that what we had, I miss.

I wish we could go back now,

We tried, but we just don't know how.

I need something that's sure,

There's not much more pain my heart can endure.

"The Mountain"

The chair up is relaxing,

These bindings made for strapping,

From heal to toe don't hesitate,

For skiers you always have to wait,

Powder is ideal,

The view up here is surreal,

But we get tired that's for sure,

That's when we go refuel at Thor's.

You'll find us in the trees,

Smokin' a little "bleez"

Not too drunk, not too high,

We've learned the hard way not to cross that line.

Northwest winters might be long,

But at the mountain you can't go wrong!

I cut my losses,

Let you go.

You ended up even further from me,

Then I ever thought you would be.

You light up my smile so effortlessly,

Everything with you comes so naturally.

The one that got away,

Even though I wasn't exactly asking you to stay.

It's not fair to you,

Or even to me,

That we didn't get our chance,

It's so clear to see.

We're finding our own place here and far,

Some lucky girl wont be stupid like me,

And if she's smart she wont pass up everything that you are.

Even with you out of sight,

The feelings are as strong as that first night.

You may not understand,

Not most people would,

But you should know my love for you,

Is nothing short of true.

Our lives in different directions, are sure to meet again,

We'll be right back at the start, think back to what made this first begin.

I made you work hard for that first kiss,

That's one I know I'll never forget.

I couldn't resist....

Goodbye.

We know it all happens for a reason, It's becoming so clear as the changing of seasons. Time is passing faster now that I see,

The direction of my life,

And who I'm supposed to be.

No one ever said it was going to be easy.

These trials we face now can't compare

To the pain and disappointment we're yet to bear.

Wear your heart on your sleeve,

Don't hide the scars,

Live each day showing the world everything you are.

Spark a smile like you did mine,

We all know you'll keep on walkin' that line.

It's all fine now, cus i'm leavin' it all behind.

You see these trials are so small

When you compare them to it all.

All the bigger things to see.

This here is just no longer me.

Soon I'll set myself free.

My youth is soon up,

I'm making my own luck.

These better days,

Are here to stay.

But there's one more thing you ought to know,

And I know sometimes I fail to show...

But I wish the best for your troubles,

Had the best time being rebels,

Wont forget the late nights, bud lights,

Or especially party bus wall lights ;)

Even though we had a rocky start,

I'll always have a place for you in my heart.

So long my friend,

One day we'll meet again.

"Release Me"

i'm torn.

worn.

bruised and broken.

lost and hopin'.

let me free.

let me be me.

i'm reaching out,

you have to help me seek out this new route.

everyday i search for the boy i knew,

and each day you showed me only traces of you.

your not the same.

or was it just me?

all this time was i blind to see?

it's beginning to be clear as glass

should have known this would never last.

i've suppressed time

trying to find

little ways to make you mine.

it's not gonna take a year,

for me to see i'm no longer wanted here.

i'm just left here so confused

not knowing which road to choose.

you don't make it any easier,

when you make me a believer.

you can live without me,

so let me be free,

please release me.

?

Which to Cross, Which to Burn?

Cross Roads.

"Really Over?"

I sit here as the days go by,

Still living my life.

My days are long and lonely,

Though I'm surrounded by those who love me.

A void that can't be filled.

I've tried.

All these hopeless tears I've cried.

What is it you want from me,

You'd never know,

I'm still waiting to see

The kind of man I've thought you up to be.

I look back on the days we spent together,

No it's not something I want forever.

There's so much more to life than lust,

But it's a feeling so close to real that it made me trust.

Trust in you.

Trust in me.

Both of us were blind to see.

Living a life full of uncertainty,

Lacking accountability.

It was fun there for awhile,

I look back and it makes me smile.

But as the days keep passing,

I find that I'm still left waiting.

Hard to let go with no closure.

I need to feel that it's really over.

Is it really over?

"Trey"

On my way back home from paradise,

Thoughts of you weigh heavy on my mind.

What to change,

Any why?

How to act?

Can't lie.

Why do the ones I want most slip away?

Now I'm left searching for reasons why I should stay.

None surface.

It's hard to believe it's come to this.

Eighteen years flew by in this once small town, but not fast enough.

So many lessons learned, at times it's been rough.

Seems like my life is on repeat,

Over and over again I hear the same beat.

I'm tired and worn down.

All I'm waiting for is to be found.

I can't count on you to be around.

So looks like I may as well be Montana bound.

I can change my soul,

Change my life,

Change my mind,

Call it compromise; all for you.

But you should know by now that's not something I'm going to do.

My stubborn soul,

And heart of gold

Have more to offer

Than a personal shopper.

My time on you has already been wasted.

I would have rather been out getting wasted.

They say you win some, you lose some...

But not looks like I'm going to have to go out and get some!

This life I live is bitter sweet.

Luckily for me, I've got standards you failed to meet.

Moving on will come with time,

I'll walk with my head held high, still ready to shine.

A guy like you will come again my way,

This time I'll know better then to let him steal my heart away.

You see guys like you are all the same,

Just another player in your stupid little game,

I thought I was winning,

But I ended up in last place.

I know I still have a lot to learn

My flaws and mood swings, no one deserves.

I thought you understood,

Once again I thought wrong,

I'm taking huge steps forward,

It's too bad you wont be here to come along.

I know I'm not perfect,

And don't intend to be.

I'm still constantly learning each day,

I hope you can see the person we both know is me.

You may be the one I don't want to let go,

Even though you hit an all time low.

I thought we could have been something real,

Now I don't even know how I'm supposed to feel.

Your way of life can't be tamed,

I know because I've tried.

A laid back girl only wanting the best,

But you through me back to sea with the rest.

I know they're not above me,

So I'm putting you behind me.

I once saw you in my future,

Now just apart of the past,

I wish I could answer my questions,

Like, how long is this pain going to last?

But I'm a strong girl,

Soon I'll look back at this and laugh.

My song will be off pause,

No longer on repeat.

This heartbreak is one,

I know I can defeat.

"Give and Take"

Your words are always sweet & sincere,

But your actions make me wonder if you're only telling me what I want to hear.

From day one I gave you my heart,

But if we're not on the same page, why'd we bother to start?

Seems like I'm always coming in second place,

Lately your attentions what I've been trying to chase.

The feeling I get when you look in my eyes,

So convincing, it too could be a lie.

Your games may have worked well in the past,

But you should know around here they're not going to last.

I've heard and seen it all before,

There's not much more pain my heart can endure.

Your love's the one I want to stay

But you're going to have to help me out along the way.

I want a relationship full of both give and take.

It only seems right, for fairness sake.

I give a lot,

And don't ask for much,

As for kisses to spare, I have a bunch.

Come with me along this rocky road,

We'll just have to hope it doesn't erode.

Yeah... the last two lines had to be added in after this was interrupted with a clean hard break. Go me.

"Hope For The Hopeless"

You came when I least expected,

But it was love at first sight when we connected.

No stopping passion,

We knew what was bound to happen.

Different from the rest, you proved even a pessimist wrong,

I knew right away, even though it hadn't been long.

As each day passes you continue to show,

More reasons why this relationship should grow.

The kiss I wake up to every morning,

And the ones I get each night,

It's easy to get so comfortable when this feels so right.

I know this is the start to a really good thing,

I'm not asking for anything crazy, like a ring.

You're time and affection is all I desire,

You may this it's Mary Jane,

But you're the one taking me higher :)

It may be a year or two,

It that's what it takes to prove I'm true to you.

I don't see why this shouldn't last,

So from here on out, the past is the past.

<3 Post Secret

Keep It In The Past

My hearts just not the same,

It's my own sad story,

And I'm to blame.

The kind of man you've always been;

You'll never change,

I'll never win.

Broken.

But I'll adjust.

We'll call it lust

And forget the day

You took my hand and lead the way,

With Vegas lights in my eyes

I was blind to see it was merely a disguise.

We're too good to be true,

I know you feel it too.

Our love will never last,

Lets keep it in the past.

If Only She Could See

You only see me 

I wish you could see through me

I'm new to this

I had my chance but I missed

Seeing you was the turing point I couldn't avoid

I began to wonder if that boy was just a decoy

I sit here not knowing what to do

Wondering if maybe I should choose

Silly, because it's not even up to me

Would be so much easier if only she could see

Revise

The ups are always worth the downs

My mixed up story I’m still tryin’ to drown

Anything to kill reality

Such a casualty

And I’m to blame

Drugged and Drunked like its going out of style

Then I think I may want to stay around awhile

No more sorrow or disguise

Just another chapter of my life I wish I could revise

I was so young

That’s when it begun

I thought you were the one for me

But you were never good for me

You introduced me to this way of life

Showed me the way

Then left, while I begged you to stay

Years went by and you came crawling to my side

I know now that you are

Just another chapter of my life I wish I could revise

 

These are stupid things

Compared to family

The pain I’ve caused can’t be undone

So I continue to run

Anyone who gets too close

I push away because I don’t want to impose

All this time I’ve wasted being wasted

I’m starting to realize this is

Just another chapter of my life I wish I could revise

R.F.T.

we met years ago, both so young

not looking for love, but that's when in begun

your smile and sweet charm

swept me off my feet

for once i didn't compromise

my expectations, for so long i set aside,

you didn't fail to meet

though time has passed and

we've both gone on with our lives

it's out true love that still survives.

"love will save her"

i'm holding back

because in my mind the way things are

no, not a fairytale, though could be from afar

unsure of the reality

not getting close enough to really see

my hearts been there and back

like to the moon like neil

who wants to believe in something that isn't real?

with these crystal eyes that could kill

i stare into yours knowing there's something i can feel

been hurt many times before

don't need that shit anymore

so, if my intuitions right

don't call me tonight

i'm out of sight

a veiw on life this young that's just plain wrong

i'm tellin' you now it's the beat to my song

i trust so little in my mind

but when you look into my heart that's where you'll find

a hopeful soul of a dreamer

sure that one day

love will save her

there are days my mouth speaks bitter truth

the most powerful weapon i know how to use

sugar coating is not my type

no tears running down my face to wipe

truly showing this cold heart

i look back and try to find what made this start

wasted years on a boy who knew

everyday what he was putting me through

maybe back then if he would have treated me like i deserved

my feelings now for love wouldn't be so reserved

i'm thankful now to have found strength on my own

the truth is sure to condone

a veiw on life this young that's just plain wrong

i'm tellin' you now it's the beat to my song

i trust so little in my mind

but when you look into my heart that's where you'll find

a hopeful soul of a dreamer

sure that one day

love will save her