1/1/14

Night one of a better path.

I walk alone for now

Because I know I need to grow some more

Before I can love again.

Return to that place where I know 

Why I exist. 

Seem to forget that from time to time.

Wasted life.

Call it walking dead,

Living suicide.

A selfish escape at the very least.

I want and need my mental freedom.

Come back down to earth,

To that path that was once so enlightening.

An artists pain always seem to be that defining voice

That speaks inside

Its almost easier to feel that way these days.

I must escape this town

I always seem to drown in.

Free climb up and out

Cus you know I need to feel that adrenaline.

Almost forgetting temporarily what it means to feel alive,

But never for long.

I'm leaving here,

I'm gone.

suck the bitter sin through my lips.
rolls through my mouth, then falls in sync with the wind.
habitual perpetuation.
killing time,
and millions.
yet i still take another drag
to release what i'm feelin'.
i'm feelin'
like i should quit,
but i live each day like i can't find a reason
as i feel the smoke go deeper,
burning down far past the eagle.
can't relive these minutes that i'm taking away
from my life,
from my future.
when i see the bigger picture,
i know i can do better.

#needtoquit

He's Just Not That Into You

He's Just Not That Into You

(Book Quotes)

Cut your losses and don't waste your time . Why stay in some weird dating limbo when you can move on to what will surely be better territory? Don't want to hear it? Fine. Here's the answer you're looking for, "Hang in there, baby. He's not the loser everybody's telling you he is. If you wait and keep your mouth shut and call at exactly the right time and anticipate his moods and have no expectations about communication or your own sexual needs, you can have him!" But please don't be surprised if he dumps you or continues to drag you through a completely unsatisfying relationship.

There's a guy out there who's going to be really happy that you didn't get back together with your crappy ex-boyfriend

No matter how powerful and real your feelings may be for someone, if that person cannot fully and honestly return them and therefore actively love you back, these feelings mean nothing.

Being lonely ... being alone ... for many people ... sucks. I get it, I get it, I get it. But still I have to say that yes, my belief is that being with somebody who makes you feel shitty or doesn't honor the person you are is worse.

"It's very tempting when you really want to be with someone to settle for much, much less -- even a vague pathetic facsimile of less -- than you would have ever imagined. Remember always what you set out to get and please don't settle for less. These guys exist because there are a lot of women out there who allow them to." 

"You picked a lemon, throw it away lemonade is overrated. Freaks should remain at the circus, not in your apartment. You already have one asshole. You don’t need another. Make a space in your life for the glorious things you deserve. Have faith."

Life is hard enough as it is without choosing someone difficult to share it with.

You deserve to be with someone who is nice to you all the time.

You know you deserve to have a great relationship. 

Don’t you want the guy who’ll forget about all the other things in life before he forgets you? 

You can accept his excuses all you want but is this the relationship you want? Is this how you want to feel? Perhaps forever? 

Don’t let your desire to be loved and feel affection cloud your judgment.

Kaleidoscope Eyes

Kaleidoscope eyes,

Easy to get lost in.

Tried to run,

They both did.

But it’s a kind of love that makes you

Surrender your defenses.

Admit when you’re wrong

Makes you want to be a better person.

See it in a different light,

It could all be worth it.

Lets just work with it.

Expand each other’s minds,

Live a life with a purpose.

It may take a little time,

A little trust,

To find out what will come from this.

But I know you’ve changed my life,

A new inspired love for the little things,

That turned into bigger forces,

That are more than us.

I’ve seen in you,

What I want for myself.

But don’t get me twisteddd

This is who I’ve always been.

I just think with you by my side,

With our backs to the wind,

Never looking behind…

The possibilities could be endlessss.

Kaleidoscope eyes,

That reflect the different lives

We’ve grown up in.

But both outsiders looking

For a life with a real perspective…

Always changing,

That’s why with you I know we can find it.

Realign our minds in it.

In a place where tranquility remains,

Free ourselves from what we may see as restraints.

Beyond what we are now,

What we could be,

With a promise to never stop learning.

Just look deep into my kaleidoscope eyes,

You’d be surprised what you will finddd....

Rain

"Rain"

Rain pouring down

For weeks it seems

Though you may hate it

It’s the beauty I see

And hear

To me it’s all become the same

Taking in the sights

Strong senses remain

From countless nights

Appreciating nature and our creator

This life is beautiful

Even on days like this

Reminding us of all the things

That are out of our hands

If you learn to embrace it

You’ll find the greatness in our land

Green grass doesn’t grow

Animals don’t eat

The human race

Remains unchanged

Wrapped up in a society

That has forgot to appreciate the little things,

Like rain.

As it drips down my face,

I look up to see the sun

Surfacing through the overcast sky

I say a little prayer to bring the light

But can’t complain 

Not today

Life is too sweet and short

Not to appreciate the small things,

Like the rain drops,

And the good things they bring.

Goodbye C$.

Put myself out there

On a wire.

Dangling for years

We were.

But tight ropes wear

And bring bitter fate.

The truth I only wanted to deny, and forget, and despise 

Like a pitchfork in my heart

But you never even let me turn around

So it sticks out my back for everyone to see.

Which I could never forget

Even if I tried,

Like all the regret in both our eyes.

I know now you’re long gone.

If you had only turned to me,

Instead of ran away.

Everyone but me seems to know you loved me.

They can see it on your face.

Not me, I’ve always seen resentment and all the blame.

This may have been love.

Who am I kidding.

If this wasn’t love then I don’t know what is

Cus all I’ve ever known from it is this pain

Trickling down my face,

So familiar.

We’ll go our separate ways for good,

Wish it didn’t have to be this way.

All I wanted was a friend,

But clearly that’s just too much for

Your selfish heart to bear.

Goodbye.

Thanks for nothing.

There’s nothing left to say.

And there’s nothing left to hear.

Brings Me BaCK

Been too long since I’ve heard your voice

That sweet sarcasm still rolls off your tongue so effortlessly

Like the first day

But you’d think you’d know by now

It’s not gonna work on me the same

I see right through that

Though I love it

You know it’s got me smilin’ babygirl

From ear to ear

That’s the path we’ve taken in the past

So you just laugh

And hang up.

Twice.

I see right through you.

I know you.

Still know you.

Better then you think I do.

Know why?

Because every single day

When I look into the mirror

I see the regret hidden deep in my glazzed eyes

But that’s nothin’ compared to how you made me feel

What you made me see

Believe

What we could be,

Could’ve been.

Even if now’s not the time

I know one day you’ll be mine

Keep dreamin’ til I find…

Til we find…

Brings me back to ‘09

Like I told

It’s been 3 years

Came a long way

But I’m still the same

Fearless.

You love it.

And I know you can’t fight it.

We’ve both tried

Many times

Always find our selves back here

I have my doubts too

I can’t lie

I just miss what we had

Can’t help think if we could get that back--

Just go back to those late nights in your basement

Staying up too late

As the hours past,

As I make you laugh.

You bring out the best in me

On nights like that

It’s a nice thought but I know we can’t--

Can’t go back.

Just give me a chance

Let me in

At least be my friend

Try again.